Often parents end up reinforcing the very behavior they are trying to get their child to eliminate. Because children love and need attention they will do anything for it. Children will accept negative attention as well as positive. If you get in a child’s face, demand eye contact while you ‘teach’ or try and ‘reason’ with them you are giving them some powerful attention. If you yell sharply at your child when they are engaged in a negative behavior they have gotten your negative attention. If you find yourself ‘punishing’ your child for the same behavior over and over you are giving that child negative attention.

Many parents will try different techniques to ‘educate’ their children on how to behave. They may discuss why a behavior is wrong. For example, “if you don’t go to sleep right now you will be very tired in the morning”.  This rarely makes a child eager to go to bed when they would rather be up having fun. Yelling at your child may get him/her to stop. This may stop the behavior temporarily but rarely impacts behavior long term. Finally a parent will often “punish’ a child for negative behaviors such as sassy talk, defiance and more. Some children are very compliant and dislike being punished so this may work for them. Many children either fight the punishment or just get through it only to repeat the behavior all over again.

What I suggest is turning this around. Give your child  that energy and undivided attention for behaviors you want them to repeat. If they are sharing with someone give them a hug, praise or just a smile. The same goes for when they are waiting nicely at the store, doctor’s office or on errands. Be aware of reinforcing behaviors you approve of and hope your child repeats. Going to bed nicely when asked should earn your child genuine praise and attention!